Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
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he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize