I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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