My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
