If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
