I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You can't special order awesome
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You dont lie about slip and slides
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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