You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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