Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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