I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
How external is "for external use only"?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
