She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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