if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
