I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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