He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
