He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
