She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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