I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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