I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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