Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
