Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
