we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
