Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
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