I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
