it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
