New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
