There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
