I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
