i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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