Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
