Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
