I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
