The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
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I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
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You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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