Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
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You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
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So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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