So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
