Did you just see the Batmobile???
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
