dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Holy sore nipples Batman
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
