I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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