oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
