the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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