Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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