I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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