So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
