I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
