I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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