You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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