let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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