My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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