I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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