so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
