That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
