I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
