whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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