Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
