but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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