Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
