The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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