all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I pour the whiskey from now on
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
