her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
