it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
