I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
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Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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