I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
