wrigley field is MILF paradise
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
