its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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