I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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